Comedy goldmine

So, I'm visiting my family. Faith is running around with a little charm bracelet that she stole off my mother. In addition to a charm with a totally adorable picture of me as a baby, there is a little charm that says, "Engaged, something something 1969".

I look up and ask my dad if they were really engaged in 1969. He answers yes.

"God, you've been sitting on that for 35 years? It's a comedy goldmine! I mean, the jokes practically write themselves!"

"So, after your mother and I were engaged in 69, we..."

"If there's anyone here who knows what it is like to be engaged in 69, it's me and your mother, so..."

My dad is a pretty funny guy, but I think he might be slipping.

Guilty conscience?

I went over to Mandy and Phil's tonight to read bedtime stories. As I'm getting up to leave, I knocked one of Faith''s stuffed animals out of her bed.

FAITH: Uncle Bobb, you knocked Sarafina out of bed!
ME: Oh, I..
FAITH: You bastard!
ME: *flee* *snicker*
MANDY: What did you say? What did you call Uncle Bobb?
FAITH: Uh... a bastard?

So, Mandy yells at Faith. Faith gets, as we call it, a "broken heart" and starts sobbing uncontrollably. Christian notices and starts yelling out of his bedroom.

CHRIS: What did she say?
PHIL: Nothing. Go to sleep.
CHRIS: What did she say?
PHIL: Nothing. Go to sleep.
CHRIS: What did she say?
PHIL: A swear word. Which she probably learned from you.
CHRIS: NoNoNoNo, not me, not me, not me, I swear it wasn't me! I swear!
PHIL: Okay, go to sleep.
ME: Huh. Guilty conscience?

Pirates of the Carribean Mini-Review

Went to see Pirates of the Caribbean last night with "My Gay Friend" Penelope. I give it a "good, but not great". Points off for over-the-top, totally unbelievable action scenes that didn't really look very cool. But points back for some over-the-top, completely unbelievable action scenes that did look really cool. Points off for Johnny Depp not playing Jack Sparrow and instead playing "Johnny Depp playing Jack Sparrow". (Which saddens me because Johnny Depp is totally the bees-knees.) But points back for Keira Knightley being totally hot and kicking some ass.

Best conversation of the evening:

ME: Eh, it was pretty good. Tell you what, though. Keira Knightly is smokin'' hot.
P: Eh, she's okay, I guess.
ME: Are you kidding me?!?
P: Well, she was really cute in Bend it Like Beckham. I liked her in that.
ME: Hah, she was, like, 14* in that movie. You cradle-robber! That's dirty. And hot.
P: ...
ME: But you are right, she was totally hot in Bend it Like Beckham.

* -- She was actually 17. Which is totally legal in PA.