On Getting Old...

I was walking through Target today and I realized something that I found to be somewhat disturbing.

Not too many years ago, when I saw an attractive woman walking through the store with a kid in tow, I would think to myself, "Wow, that chick is really hot... for a mom."

Nowadays, when I see an attractive woman walking through the store with a kid in tow, I think to myself, "Wow, that chick is really hot."

Also, I apparently use works like "nowadays".

It seems to me that being twenty-five-years-old is not what it was five years ago.

Fuck Lost

Ya, that's right. Last week's episode was so lame, I took Lost off my Tivo. I mean, how many Locke flashbacks are we going to have that make you think here is where we find out about Locke's legs and then not show you anything about Locke's legs? Yes, we get it. Locke is hungry for affection and acceptance but people he thinks care about him keep fucking him over. What happened to Locke's legs? is just about the only major flashback mystery left, but each show is still 60% flashbacks, all of which just re-hash old themes or introduce new, completely irrelevant details. I think that the show's writers are actually making fun of the viewers at this point.

The on-island plot was equally worthless. A vicious polar bear drags Mr Eko off to its cave but doesn't eat him or even appear to do any serious injury? Locke is struck mute until he rescues Mr. Eko? Locke and Desmond are psychic now?

The final straw was this week's Battlestar Galactica. The show was so fucking awesome that it really drove home how disappointing Lost has become.

I''m also getting a little annoyed with Gilmore Girls. I mean, how fickle can Lorelai be?

Review: Hundred Acres Manor

I went to Hundred Acres Manor with the SupplyScan team last night. It has been forever since I've been to a haunted house, so I'm not sure that I'm the best judge, but I thought it was pretty damn fun. I spent the whole time huddled between Dana/Mark and Grant/Jullie. (I refused to take the lead since I was "bachin'' it" and didn''t have anyone to cling to.)

There was a maze, lots of strobe lights, lots of darkness, lots of things hanging from the ceiling and lots of people jumping out of dark corners and screaming. Pretty much everything you could ask for from a haunted house, I guess.

First Dinner Party: Awesome

I had my very first non-family dinner party last night. Everything was, if I do say so myself, pretty awesome. We had butternut squash soup with cinnamon croutons, cornbread with herb-butter and herb-stuffed pork loin with vegetables for dinner. And then creme brulee for dessert. Jenny brought sangria and other people brought wine, so there was no shortage of alcohol.

My dining room has ambiance: the new Tudor table*, the silver goblets, the candle chandelier (with real candles!). The only problem was that my lack of dinnerware (which I'm working to resolve) meant that we had to eat off of paper plates (but at least they were nice paper plates). It was pretty damn snazzy and I like to think that the couples in attendance got seriously laid that night. (But don't worry guys, I''m not thinking about it in any great detail.)

Biggest surprise was that, towards the beginning of dinner, Kate (Brad's fiancee) offered to hook me up with one of her friends and then, after experiencing several hours of me being drunk and obnoxious, actually decided to go through with it. In my opinion, it demonstrates a severe lack of judgment on her part, but I'm certainly not going to complain about it.

It was a lot of fun and I'm definitely going to do it again soon. So, co-workers, start jockeying for position now!

* Yes, it took me 4 years of owning a home before I got a dining room table that wasn't made out of plastic.

Things to Eat In Houston When You're Hungry

Well, I'm back from Houston. The trip was generally uneventful -- at least in comparison to some of the other customer upgrades that I've been on -- which is a good thing.

On Monday, we went to eat at Fogo de Chao (uh, just imagine that there is a little squiggle above that a there). The food was great, the service was great, the price was exorbitant. At $46 a plate, I felt it was my duty to get the company's money's worth. I made a valiant effort, but even with bacon-wrapped filet mignon and lamb chops literally backed up into my esophagus, I''m not sure that I really succeeded. If any restaurant needed a vomitorium, it is this one.

I only had one glass of wine, so there is no way I was hungover the next morning. But I damn sure felt like it. I think I might have gotten steak poisoning. Based on the hair of the dog that bit you theory of hangover treatment, I went to IHOP and got a giant steak omelet to get rid of my "steak poisoning". Surprisingly, it seemed to work.

Tuesday, we were stuck at the hospital, so it was just Pizza Hut delivery.

Wednesday, we went to Pappadeaux. When I was in Houston a few years ago, we went here, and I've spent the last 3 years longing for their creme brulee. (At the time, I thought it was so good that I drove back there again the next night, just for dessert.) As with so many things that we fantasize about for so long, the reality was rather disappointing. I had never had creme brulee at that time, so I didn't really have anything to compare it to. Now that I do have something to compare it to (mine!), I realize that it wasn't that great. That didn't stop me from eating mine of course. But it did stop me from finishing Jenny's after she ate all the fruit and brulee off. Well, okay, it stopped me from finishing all of it.

Comedy goldmine

So, I'm visiting my family. Faith is running around with a little charm bracelet that she stole off my mother. In addition to a charm with a totally adorable picture of me as a baby, there is a little charm that says, "Engaged, something something 1969".

I look up and ask my dad if they were really engaged in 1969. He answers yes.

"God, you've been sitting on that for 35 years? It's a comedy goldmine! I mean, the jokes practically write themselves!"

"So, after your mother and I were engaged in 69, we..."

"If there's anyone here who knows what it is like to be engaged in 69, it's me and your mother, so..."

My dad is a pretty funny guy, but I think he might be slipping.

Guilty conscience?

I went over to Mandy and Phil's tonight to read bedtime stories. As I'm getting up to leave, I knocked one of Faith''s stuffed animals out of her bed.

FAITH: Uncle Bobb, you knocked Sarafina out of bed!
ME: Oh, I..
FAITH: You bastard!
ME: *flee* *snicker*
MANDY: What did you say? What did you call Uncle Bobb?
FAITH: Uh... a bastard?

So, Mandy yells at Faith. Faith gets, as we call it, a "broken heart" and starts sobbing uncontrollably. Christian notices and starts yelling out of his bedroom.

CHRIS: What did she say?
PHIL: Nothing. Go to sleep.
CHRIS: What did she say?
PHIL: Nothing. Go to sleep.
CHRIS: What did she say?
PHIL: A swear word. Which she probably learned from you.
CHRIS: NoNoNoNo, not me, not me, not me, I swear it wasn't me! I swear!
PHIL: Okay, go to sleep.
ME: Huh. Guilty conscience?

Pirates of the Carribean Mini-Review

Went to see Pirates of the Caribbean last night with "My Gay Friend" Penelope. I give it a "good, but not great". Points off for over-the-top, totally unbelievable action scenes that didn't really look very cool. But points back for some over-the-top, completely unbelievable action scenes that did look really cool. Points off for Johnny Depp not playing Jack Sparrow and instead playing "Johnny Depp playing Jack Sparrow". (Which saddens me because Johnny Depp is totally the bees-knees.) But points back for Keira Knightley being totally hot and kicking some ass.

Best conversation of the evening:

ME: Eh, it was pretty good. Tell you what, though. Keira Knightly is smokin'' hot.
P: Eh, she's okay, I guess.
ME: Are you kidding me?!?
P: Well, she was really cute in Bend it Like Beckham. I liked her in that.
ME: Hah, she was, like, 14* in that movie. You cradle-robber! That's dirty. And hot.
P: ...
ME: But you are right, she was totally hot in Bend it Like Beckham.

* -- She was actually 17. Which is totally legal in PA.

Getting Rid of Grass

I took the first step towards my goal of removing all -- or at least most -- of the grass from my backyard and replacing it with flower beds and hardscape. Behold, the bird and butterfly garden:







So, I''ve still got a lot to do. But I''m pretty happy with what I managed to get done this year. I''ve got about 2/3 of the planned flowers planted. I''m working on getting the drip irrigation system in. Also need to level the pavers. And get a birdbath. Next year, I''ll finish up with the rest of the flowers and an arbor over the gate.

Problem with Microsoft Search

I ran across this while hacking together the PHP files for the blog. Apparently, the WindowsXP search does not actually search all files when using the "A word or phrase in the file" option. How very... useless.

Here is a workaround:

1. Open regedit and navigate to HKEY_CLASSES_ROOT.
2. Locate and expand the branch for the file type in question (for example: .txt, .adm or .asp).
3. If the PersistentHandler subkey does not exist, create it. Do this by clicking on the file extension key and going to Edit > New > Key. Name the key "PersistentHandler" (without the quotes). Click on the PersistentHandler key. In Regedit''s right pane, double click on the Default value and enter the following: "{5e941d80-bf96-11cd-b579-08002b30bfeb}" (without the quotes). WARNING: If the PersistentHandler sub-key does exist, do not change the default value.
4. Close Regedit and reboot the computer.

Source: Doug''s Windows Tweaks and Tips

Vegetable Gardening 2006

Due to the wonders of lead contamination, I got to completely re-do my garden this year. The new garden consists of two 4'' x 9'' raised beds, 15" deep. The walls are made out of "Veranda" brand composite decking. I started using the "Square Foot Gardening" method this year, so I''ve got a ton of stuff planted. It seems to be working out well, but I''ve already had to prune some stuff back, so we shall see what it looks like by the end of the season.

This year, I planted:

• Tomato ''Black Prince'
• Tomato ''Matt''s Wild Cherry''
• Tomato ''San Marzano''
• Pepper ''Lipstick''
• Pepper ''Tam Jalepeno'
• Pepper ''Carmen''
• Pepper ''Gourmet'' F1
• Pepper ''Yankee Bell''
• Cucumber ''Diva''
• Sweet Corn
• Zuccini
• Eggplant
• Okra
• Spinach
• Cantaloupe (Muskmelon)
• Watermelon
• Red Potatoes
• Carrots
• Onions
• Parsley ''Forest Green''
• Parsley ''Titan''
• Cilantro ''Santo''
• Basil ''Genovese Compact''
• Basil, Cinnamon
• Dill ''Superdukat''

Yes, those tomatoes are already over 5'' tall. In June.